Literature
by siriuslives394
Summary: Poor Remus only wants to read. Honest, he only wants to read! Sirius, however, is bored. As it is such, Remus reading is not an option. An all dialogue one shot. Not slash.


A/N: This is another of my all dialogue fics, my last (Blindfolded) was between Sirius and James, so this one is between Sirius and Remus. Sirius is in both of them cause he's cool. I'll probably have Peter in one, a later one.

This is in the common room. Not slash.

**Literature**

"Remus."

"Hm?"

"Why are you reading?"

"Well, lets examine that question, Sirius. Why do people generally read?"

"Because if they don't they get detention?"

"No, afraid that isn't it. Try again."

"Because they have no social life?"

"_Thanks. _And, no."

"Then _why_? It's _boring._"

"People read because... they want to."

"Then why are you reading, Remus?"

"Because I want to."

"But I'm bored."

"So? Amuse yourself."

"But I can't!"

"Why not, Padfoot?"

"Because I'm bored."

"How about you go find James? You two can go be illiterate somewhere else."

"But Prongs is in detention!"

"What did he do, Sirius?"

"Oh, nothing. But, as a completely unrelated side comment, have I ever told you just how much purple hair improves Snivellus' appearance?"

"Did you turn Snape's hair purple?"

"Well... yes, technically. But it was an accident!"

"And just _how_, pray tell, was it an _accident_?"

"Well, you see Moony, the spell was _supposed _to wash his hair, but it had some, er, negative side effects."

"You two know how I feel about what you do to Snape!"

"Good thing you weren't there then, eh Moony?"

"Lily doesn't like it either."

"... so?"

"It may not matter to you Pads, but it matters to James."

"Of course it matters to James. If she blew her nose, it'd matter to James. He has an unhealthy obsession with her."

"Hey, I've had an epiphany."

"An epip- what?"

"I've had a sudden realization."

"Oh. Why didn't you just say that Remus?"

"Because, I figured that by this point in your education, I could use words with more than 2 syllables without you getting confused."

"Obviously, you were wrong."

"Obviously so."

"Yes."

"Indeed."

"Hey, Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"What was your epiphany?"

"Oh, you were saying that Prongs has an unhealthy obsession with Lily, but at every chance you get, you either insult or curse Snape. One could say that you have an unhealthy obsession with him."

"_W-what_?!"

"Padfoot? Paaaaaadfoot? Er, Sirius, I don't think that that's a healthy colour for your face to be. Sirius, deep breathes through your nose. IN AND OUT, PADFOOT. Breath!"

"M-moony? What the _hell _are you _thinking_?!"

"It was a joke, I didn't think that you'd go and _die _on me!"

"You have bad taste, Moony. That was a mean, mean, cruel joke."

"Now you know how Snape feels when you insult him! Are you going to stop, Sirius?"

"Ha, not a chance in hell."

"Fine. Whatever. You know what? I'm going to read. I'm going to increase my vocabulary."

"Fine. You read. I didn't want to talk to you anyway."

"Fine then."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Moooooony?"

"I thought that I was getting to read?"

"Not while I'm bored."

"Go find Wormy."

"I can't, Moony."

"Why not, Sirius?"

"He's with James."

"In detention?"

"Yup."

"How did those two get caught, but not you?"

"Well, we had it all planned out, we were stalking him. Very stealthily. Then, we were going to ambush him, y'know? So, James and Peter and I were all supposed to jump out from behind the statue of Warric The Wobbler, but I, er, got... distracted."

"How did you get distracted, Pads?"

"You know that 6th year Ravenclaw?"

"... there are a lot of those. Care to elaborate?"

"The blonde one. Remember her, Moony?"

"... again, elaborate."

"Suzy, I think her name is..."

"Can't recall."

"Er, I think she was dating Raiden Thorton?"

"Oh, you mean Anna, Sirius?"

"Yeah, her."

"Where did you get the name Suzy from, Padfoot?"

"They sound the same."

"Not in the least."

"Anyway, what about Anna?"

"Well, she was there, and she was wearing this _wonderful _shirt. So, we were... chatting, and by the time we were done... chatting... McGonagall had already caught Prongs and Wormtail, and I had an alibi."

"Chatting, Padfoot?"

"Yes, chatting."

"Surely you don't think that I'm actually that stupid."

"I dunno, Moony. You have been boinked over the head a lot, it may have affected your brain negatively."

"May I remind you just _who _was doing the hitting, Sirius?"

"Dumbledore, silly."

"The Headmaster was not hitting me."

"Y'know, teachers aren't allowed to do that, you could sue."

"Firstly, the Headmaster was _not _hitting me. Secondly, I'm not going to _sue _him!"

"It's always best to talk about these things, Moony."

"I give up. Really, after years of friendship, you've finally broken my spirit. Congratulations."

"Oh, really? I've succeeded?"

"What did I just say, Padfoot?"

"Ha! Prongs owes me 10 sickles!"

"... were you two betting on when my spirit would break?"

"No, Remus."

"Good."

"We were betting on _who _would break your spirit."

"Oh, _thanks _Sirius. That makes me feel _so _much better."

"You're welcome."

"That was sarcasm..."

"I know."

"... I'm reading..."

"Noooooo. Mooooony."

"Look, I don't care if you're bored. Amuse yourself!"

"Fine. I will."

"Hey, what are you doing Padfoot? Stop that!"

"What? You told me to amuse myself, that was amusing."

"Jabbing me in the head is _not _the type of amusing I was talking about. Go, play chess with yourself!"

"Hey, guess what Remus?

"What?"

"I lowered your brain cell count."

"... did you know that St. Mungo's has a wing devoted to people just like you, Sirius?"

"What? Devilishly handsome people?

"No, mentally handicapped people."

"You'll join me there soon, Remus."

"How do you figure that?

"Well, add together your reduced brain cells and the fact that every minute you're with us, we break your spirit further. That equals Saint Mungo's!"

"I've always expected one of you to land me in St. Mungo's, Sirius."

"Oh."

"I'm going to read."

"But, I told you already, I'm bored."

"Go and... find Snape."

"You're giving me permission to find Snape?"

"If it means I can read, yes."

"Alright, bye."

"Hm..."

"Hey Moony?"

"I thought you were finding Snape?"

"I can't."

"Why not, Sirius?"

"Because I don't want to."

"Why not, Sirius?"

"Because you're still here, reading."

"Yes, I thought that I had made that point abundantly clear. I _want _to be here. Reading. _Alone._"

"What? Do you- n- not want me here, Moony?"

"Puppy dog eyes do not work on me. I've had years to build up immunity."

"B- but _Moony_! Don't you want to spend time with me, your beloved friend!"

"I have a better friend. His name is _literature_."

"That hurts, you know."

"Good."

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I knew you hated me!"

"Sirius. I do not hate you. But, sometimes, Moony wants some _alone_ time. As in time where I can read. By myself. Alone."

"B- but we never spend any time together, Moony!"

"We're always together! Us, Peter and James! For god's sake, we share a dormitory!"

"But, never just us. Bonding, you know."

"Fine. Next weekend. We'll 'bond'. Alright Sirius?"

"It's just, you guys are the only true family I have. Because, my family always hated me, you know?"

"Oh god, not the guilt trip!"

"And that's why you guys are so special! Cause I never knew about friendship before you..."

"Fine. I give up. I'll stop reading. I'll sink into the depths of utter idiocy. I'll join you there."

"I knew I could convince you."

"Hm."

"Hey, Remus?"

"What now, Sirius?"

"What d'you wanna do?"

"... how about we read?"

"Can I read a Quidditch book?"

"... sure."

"Alright, lets read."

A/N: Hehehehe... poor Remus. Oh, well. At least he gets to read in the end.

This is my second all-dialogue fic, I like to write them. I hope it wasn't _too _confusing. Anyway, I'll probably write another of these, except with Peter and someone (perhaps... Sirius? Or maybe James).


End file.
